i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
