My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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