I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
