Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
