its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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