How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
