My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
