you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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