I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
