Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
