he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
