I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
