I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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