Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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