don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
