we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
