so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
