I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
