...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
