so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
