there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
