First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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