You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
