And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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