in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
