i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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