I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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