yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
