This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
