I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
