Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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