Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
