Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
