my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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