Pappa wants mamma naked
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
