I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
