In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
