what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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