Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
