he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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