My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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