I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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