Will you blow on my dice?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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