She's JV to your varsity
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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