the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
