Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
