Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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