she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
