when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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