Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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