i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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